Thursday, October 17, 2013

Believe it or not, I have a hard time blogging. Don't get me wrong, I love sharing recipes, product reviews and funny stories about the challenges of parenting, wifey-ing, etc. but when it comes to the personal stuff, the really special moments in our lives, I'm torn. Do I share these moments publicly? Do I only tell family and friends? Do I keep them to myself? I never know.

As a writer - and I use the term loosely!- there is a nagging want to express the beauty of life. To share the things that construct my daily happiness. I've shared personal and professional frustrations with you, why can't I share the lovely moments too?

So here goes. The most beautiful moment in my life encapsulated in a letter to my son. I hope you find it as delicious as I did.

For my son.

The minute they put you into my arms I told you I loved you. I've been telling you every day ever since. Every laugh, every smile, every tear, every boo-boo is rewarded or healed with "I love you." I've said it so much in the last two years and I've always wondered if you truly understand what it means. What does it mean?

Dad made a big deal out of saying "I love you" for the first time. He didn't share it lightly. He wanted to make sure he was able to live up to the meaning behind it. For him it meant an agreement. To always be there even when we didn't want to be around each other. To love each other the most when we deserved it the least. To be each other's greatest champions and toughest critics.

We each have a picture frame on our bedside tables. On the mats are listed the reasons we say "I love you" every night before going to bed.

Mine to him include: "I love you for rolling your eyes when I say I have nothing to wear." "I love you for writing me letters when a phone call, email or text message just isn't special enough." "I love you for the things that make you strong and even more so for the things that make you weak."

Him to me include: "I love you because you take away need and replace it with always." "I love you because no matter where we go to eat you know what to order for me." I love you because you make me go to bed so I can dream bigger tomorrow."

The list goes on and on and each reason ranges from tears of joy to tears of laughter. I guess that's what "I love you" is all about.

Of all the "I love you's" dad and I have bestowed upon you and upon each other, perhaps the most special "I love you" is the one we heard the other night. It came unexpectedly in the midst of living room play time. As the big red ball rolled back and forth across the rug, your little brown eyes looked directly into mine and uttered the tiniest, most amazing "I Wuh Woo."

There are lots of moments I braced myself for as a mother, solid foods, first steps, potty training, but this MAGNANIMOUS moment wasn't one I had expected. Wasn't one I had read about. Wasn't one I had been anticipating. It was a most welcome surprise.

It's a big commitment for a child to make. It's an even bigger responsibility for dad and me as your parents. It's up to us to make sure you understand the specialness of "I love you." To make sure you live up to the promise inherent in that statement. You especially need to know that in our family it's unconditional and once you've said it, you can never take it back.

"I Wuh Woo."

You'll say it again. You say it all the time now and it's only been a few days. You'll say it to teachers, pets, friends, family and eventually a wife and child of your own. But. Of all the "I Wuh Woos." Of all the "I love you's." This was the first. The first time you told me you loved me and it is the greatest gift I will ever receive as a mother.

Thank you.

I love you.



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